Recipe: herb and cheese bread

This week’s recipe comes from Christine Stevens and Russel Wasserfall’s delightful book, Harvest, which describes a family’s move to a farm where they eat wholesome food made from organic home-grown produce. Scroll down for details of how to enter our lucky draw for a copy of the book plus four others.

CHEESE AND HERB BREAD
There’s no yeast in this bread - it relies on the wine as the raising agent and there isn’t such a long wait for it to prove. You just mix it and pop it in the oven.

INGREDIENTS: 150 ml white wine; 150 ml olive oil; 4 eggs; 250 g self-raising flour; 100 g mature Cheddar cheese; 60 ml finely chopped mixed parsley and chives.

METHOD: Preheat the oven to 180 C. Grease a loaf tin. Beat together the wine and oil until frothy, then add the eggs. Fold in the flour and cheese and lastly add the very finely chopped herbs. Turn the batter into the prepared loaf tin and bake for 45 to 50 minutes. The loaf will keep for 3 to 4 days wrapped in greaseproof paper.

WIN
Bookstores have a feast of mouthwatering new cookery books in stock. This week YOU features favourite recipes from five new titles: Harvest mentioned above; Reuben Cooks by Franschhoek restaurant owner Reuben Riffel; Prickly Pears and Pomegranates, a joint effort by House & Garden editor Bernadette le Roux and her mom, Marianne Palmer; The Karoo Cookbook by Rose Willis; and Tortoises & Tumbleweeds by well-known foodie Lannice Snyman and. The five books featured have a common thread: a yearning for comfort food and traditional dishes and nostalgic memories of childhood get-togethers with family and friends.

Ten lucky readers will each win all five books. SMS the words RECIPE BOOKS followed by your name and postal address to 34923 before 15 January 2009. Each SMS cost R2

Steps to lasting happiness

YOU’s advice columnist Dr Louise says do the work to make the magic happen.

DECIDE WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
Don’t let anyone tell you what this is. Make time to identify what brings you joy (see below).

DON’T ATTEMPT THE IMPOSSIBLE
You’ll stay miserable if you pursue the unattainable. Learn to appreciate what you have: good health, a friend or a pet.

MANAGE YOUR LIFE
Don’t hang around for something to happen. Organise your life for the tranquillity, excitement or challenges you desire.

LET NATURE PLAY A ROLE
People who disconnect from nature are often unhappy and disgruntled. Enjoy the weather and environment we take for granted.

DON’T FOCUS ON BAD STUFF
Obsessing about mistakes and things that have gone wrong is a common error. Concentrate on successes and enjoy them.

LOVE THE ONES YOU’RE WITH
Don’t make yourself miserable over someone who doesn’t love you. Cut your losses and continue searching. Maximise your chances of happiness

MAXIMISE YOUR CHANCES OF HAPPINESS
HEALTH
Pain and poor health prevent clear thinking about what makes you happy. Make sure your lifestyle is healthy and avoid putting yourself at risk.

FINANCES
Money can buy comfort, not happiness. Remember this if you’re pursuing money and worldly success.

PEOPLE
Houses and cars, no matter how luxurious, can’t replace people and pets. A simple meal becomes a feast if shared with someone you love.

Buckle Up

PLUS MORE HEALTH NEWS
A third of South African children involved in car accidents are seriously injured because they’re not properly secured, according to Netcare. They add that 30 per cent of these children are under the age of two. It’s vital that parents ensure their kids wear safety belts. Infants and toddlers should be in appropriate car seats, and kids aged four to seven need a booster seat or cushion to ensure the lap belt goes across the pelvis, not the abdomen. Their hip bones are not yet fully formed so this area needs to be protected.

SLEEP LOWERS CANCER RISK
It’s known that exercise lowers cancer risk but now researchers say not getting enough sleep could cancel out exercise benefits. A new US study found people who slept less than seven hours a night had a 47 per cent higher risk of cancer than those who regularly had a good night’s rest. Those who exercised had a 25 per cent lower chance of developing cancer than those who weren’t active.

APPLES KEEP ASTHMA AT BAY
Including an apple in your children’s lunchbox could help lower their risk of asthma. The London National Heart and Lung Institute investigated nearly 3 000 children aged five to 10 and found kids who drank apple juice at least once a day lowered their risk of wheezing due to asthma by 47 per cent compared with children who drank apple juice once a month or less. They say apples and apple juice may be helpful in keeping airways clear because chemicals and acids in the fruit prevent inflammation.

Dana Snyman’s new book

ON THE BACK ROADS by Dana Snyman (R150, Tafelberg)
Rating: 5/5
Reviewer: Claire Reddie

We drive too quickly, travel journalist Dana Snyman reckons. After crisscrossing the length and breadth of South Africa he has this advice: slow down - travel is about stopping and opening yourself up to people and things.

Snyman has been a popular figure in Afrikaans journalism for years: he has written for YOU and our sister publication Huisgenoot and for travel magazine Weg. On the Back Roads, his first English-language book, is packed with authentic South African anecdotes about platteland rugby matches, debates with ooms in small-town bars and jokes with earthy farmers. You’ll nod in agreement as he bemoans the villas mushrooming on the West Coast and laugh at Dana’s other encounters.

Whether you’re a hardened tourist or a couch potato yearning for adventure you’ll find plenty to inspire you in this gem of a travel guide.

GREAT GIVEAWAY
We’re giving away five copies of Dana Snyman’s On the Back Roads. SMS the words BACK ROADS followed by your name, surname and postal address to 34923 before 5 pm on 15 January. Each SMS costs R2.

THE OTHER QUEEN by Philippa Gregory (R209,95, HarperCollins)
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Wendy Stelzmann

In her latest offering Philippa Gregory turns her attention to Mary, Queen of Scots, cousin of Queen Elizabeth I and considered by many to be the rightful heir to England’s throne. The story is narrated from three perspectives - Queen Mary, who is being held against her will in England after fleeing a rebellion in Scotland; the honourable Earl of Shrewsbury who has been asked to “host” her in his country house; and his wife, Bess, a shrewd and ambitious woman who’s convinced her husband will never fall for the young queen’s charms.

They’re essentially all quite unlikable yet at the same time utterly fascinating characters. They elicit little sympathy, which may be why it’s hard to get caught up in the story. Gregory is a consummate storyteller and this book is enjoyable and worth a read but not as compelling as The Other Boleyn Girl or The Queen’s Fool.

Just for a laugh

From YOU’s Chuckles page.

A WISE MOVE
A wise old gentleman retires and buys a modest home near a high school. After spending a few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment a new school year begins and the next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful after-school enthusiasm, come down his street, merrily beating on every dustbin they encounter.

The crashing percussion continues day after day until finally the wise old man decides it’s time to take action. The next afternoon he approaches the youngsters.

“You kids are a lot of fun,” he tells them. “In fact I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I’ll give you each R10 if you promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids are elated and continue to do a bang-up job on the dustbins. After a few days the old man again greets the kids - but this time he looks sad.

“This recession is really putting a big dent in my income,” he tells them. “From now on I’ll be able to pay you only R5 to beat the dustbins.” The noisemakers are obviously unhappy but accept his offer and continue their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later the retiree approaches them again as they drum their way down the street.

“Look,” he says, “I haven’t received my pension yet so I won’t be able to give you more than R2. Will that be okay?”

“Just R2?” the drum leader exclaims. “If you think we’re going to waste our time beating these dustbins for that you’re nuts! No way, dude, we quit!”

And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

DEAR LANDLORD
Genuine complaints sent to landlords:
- The toilet is blocked and we can’t bathe the children until it’s cleared.

- There’s a smell coming from the man next door.

- The toilet seat is cracked; where do I stand?

- I’m writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

- I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Recipe: beer prawns

For the first time in years popular TV faces Christi and Nico Panagio have the time to treat friends to Christmas lunch and YOU went along to lend a hand. Their menu included this finger-licking recipe handed down by Nico’s late mom, Loorita. See this week’s YOU (25 Dec issue) for the rest of the Panagios’ festive meal.

INGREDIENTS: 2 cans (330 ml each) beer; 60 ml finely chopped parsley; 100 ml fresh lemon juice; 200 ml olive oil; 10 garlic cloves, crushed; salt and freshly ground black pepper; Tabasco sauce to taste but enough to add bite; 60 prawns, cleaned; 100 g butter; 50 ml oil; extra lemons, cut into wedges.

METHOD: Mix the beer, parsley, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper and Tabasco sauce. Arrange the prawns in a glass bowl and pour over the marinade. Leave overnight.

Heat the butter and 50 ml oil in a large pan and fry the prawns in batches until just done. Be careful not to overcook them - they’re done in minutes. Serve with thin potato chips and extra lemon wedges. Serves 6.

Terry Pratchett returns with a new book

NATION by Terry Pratchett (R195, Doubleday)
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Jared Orlin

Terry Pratchett may have early-onset Alzheimer’s but it certainly doesn’t show in his latest comic fantasy escapade, which is not set in the Discworld this time. Instead Nation takes place in an alternative 1870s version of Earth where pirates and treasure loom large. Pratchett fans can expect the usual array of clever social satire and quirky characters.

The story revolves around the meeting of Ermintrude Fanshaw, who prefers to be called Daphne and is 138th in line for the throne of England, and Mau, a ‘‘native’’ island boy. Mau has just completed the rituals to become a man when a gigantic wave kills the entire population of his island (except a foul-mouthed talking parrot and the hilarious vomiting grandfather birds). The wave washes up Daphne on the shores of the Nation and the two survivors, who can’t understand a word the other is saying, must rebuild civilisation from scratch.

THE FRONT by Patricia Cornwell (R170, Little, Brown)
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Genevieve Callaghan

Take an emotionally wounded district attorney who treats anyone who’s witnessed her personal dramas like dirt. Add a sharp-dressing, handsome investigator who puts up with it and is more than he seems. Mix in a cop who’s physically scarred as a result of the DA’s mistakes. Now add a probe into a cold murder case that ends up flagging an active international terrorist investigation, some nasty political agendas, a few bad personal mistakes and brilliant writing by the accomplished author of the acclaimed Kay Scarpetta thrillers.

The result is a fast-paced read, a plot with more twists than a snake and a denouement that brings you up short, exclaiming, “How could she do that?”

My only criticism of this novel, the second instalment in Cornwell’s At Risk series, is that although it’s short it features too many plotlines which means things get pretty confusing.

’Tis the season of stress - deal with it

Your purse isn’t the only thing that takes a beating during the gift-buying season. A British study shows people take strain too - from stress.

At least 50 per cent of the people in the study recorded raised blood pressure while out buying presents - and hypertension increases your risk of heart disease, strokes and kidney problems. The heart starts beating on average 10 per cent faster while you’re Christmas shopping. Men’s stress doubled after tackling the shops while women’s stress trebled.

REFRESHING COFFEE AROMA
Feeling sleepy? Smell the coffee! The aroma alone can wake you up, Japanese scientists say. That distinctive smell kickstarts the production of chemicals in the body that help fight fatigue.

CHATTING IS GOOD
Don’t spend your summer holiday in lonely silence. Start a conversation with the person next to you on the beach or phone a friend. A conversation of just 10 minutes stimulates the brain as much as building a jigsaw puzzle and the social contact will improve your mood, research at Michigan University in America has shown.

Movie of the week: Elegy

Drama. With Ben Kingsley and Penélope Cruz. Director: Isabel Coixet. 10LNS. Opens 26 December.
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Leon van Nierop

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
At the end of every academic year a virile university professor sleeps with his favourite student - but when he seduces his latest ravishing beauty it changes his life in unexpected ways.

WHO WILL ENJOY IT?
Older people often complain movies these days are aimed just at youngsters but this one speaks to men and women of experience. An intense, inspiring film it examines issues such as morality, commitment, responsibility and accepting you’re getting older. It’s also a highly erotic look at the age-old theme of a horny old goat pursuing a younger woman but from a sophisticated, fresh and nonjudgmental angle. The themes of intimacy and responsible sex have seldom been tackled with such taste and class.

WAIT FOR DVD?
At the moment there’s so much rubbish vying for your movie-watching budget any film of quality stands head and shoulders above the sentimental Christmas candyfloss on offer at cinemas. See this on the big screen if you’re desperate for entertainment with more substance than beautiful people leading glamorous lives in soft focus, consoling audiences as violins play. Elegy has Oscar written all over it and will restore your faith in films in the week of Christmas. Recommended for adults.

Alternative meanings for common words

COFFEE (n) The person upon whom one coughs.

FLABBERGASTED (adj) Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

ABDICATE (v) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

ESPLANADE (v) To attempt an explanation while drunk.

NEGLIGENT (adj) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

LYMPH (v) Walk with a lisp.

GARGOYLE (n) Olive-flavoured mouthwash.

FLATULENCE (n) Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you’re run over by a steamroller.

BALDERDASH (n) A rapidly receding hairline.

TESTICLE (n) A humorous question in an exam.

RECTITUDE (n) The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Recipe: baked Alaska mince pies

Try this twist on two Christmas classics. It’s part of YOU’s recipes this week (18 Dec issue) for a spectacular festive meal (scroll down for the full menu).

INGREDIENTS: 1 litre vanilla ice cream; 8-16 readymade mince pies; 4 egg whites; 60-80 ml caster sugar.

METHOD: Spoon scoops of ice cream on top of the mince pies and freeze until needed. Whisk the egg whites and caster sugar until a stiff meringue forms. Spread over the ice cream, ensuring there are no gaps in the meringue layer. Brown rapidly under a heated grill and serve immediately with coffee. Serves 8.

CHRISTMAS BUFFET MENU

TRIO OF COLD CHRISTMAS SOUPS
Red and white gazpacho and minted pea soup with breadsticks

FOR THE BUFFET
Fish with herby Mediterranean salsa
Broccoli and cauliflower mould
Asparagus with hollandaise sauce
Baby potatoes with green olive tapenade
Braised fennel
Green salad with sherry vinaigrette
Beef fillet with green Béarnaise sauce

DESSERTS
Christmas pudding truffles
Baked Alaska mince pies

Steps to health in 2009

YOU’s advice columnist Dr Louise offers these tips for making the new year a good one.

SET LIMITS
Don’t allow yourself to obsess about things that simply can’t be achieved. Learn to appreciate the people in your life and all your other blessings.

SET GOALS
Don’t stagnate - but make sure the goals you set are attainable, within your ability and suited to your intellect, personality and interpersonal style.

BE REAL
Don’t live someone else’s life. Pretending to be something you’re not causes stress and will only result in relationships that are not authentic. Play it straight, don’t lie or cheat. It drains energy, erodes your psyche and makes people distrustful.

LET GO OF GUILT
Guilt holds you back. Learn from mistakes so you won’t repeat them.

CELEBRATE TRIUMPHS
Enjoy the things you’ve done well and remember how that feels.

DUMP THE ANGER
It festers in the psyche and causes pain and negativity.

REMEMBER WINTER
See how summer has shaken off winter. The psyche is as good at shrugging off negative things and embracing life, love and laughter.

STOP REGRETTING
What’s done is done. Look forward to positive developments in the year ahead.

DE-STRESS
Have a massage and let the residue of anxiety, stress and negative feelings flow out of your body and mind.

TAKE A BREAK
Use a weekend to plan your lifestyle, goals and interests and think about how to treasure your loved ones.

SPREAD THE JOY
Take gifts to a home for elderly people or orphans. Giving uplifts the psyche.

Relax, mom, it’s your break too

Did you know going on holiday is the third most stressful event for most moms? Calm your nerves with tips from Naomi Martell of the British Stress Control Group to reduce your stress before setting off on your holiday this festive season. If your partner is driving get him to check the fuel, water and oil beforehand and also to sort out the kids’ snacks and toys for the trip. Even better, get the kids to decide which toys they want to take along.

Treat yourself to a massage or beauty treatment the day before you set off. If your holiday budget doesn’t stretch that far, lock yourself in the bathroom and relax for five minutes as if you’re on the beach. Finally make two lists: one with things that can wait until you get home and one for urgent things. When you’ve ticked everything on the urgent list you can relax and enjoy the break.

PREVENT BACK INJURIES
Strengthening your tummy muscles can protect your back against injury. Here’s an easy exercise you can do two to three times a week. Lie on your back, knees bent and feet and lower back flat on the ground. Pull in your belly button towards your spine and tighten your stomach muscles so your back gently lifts off the ground. Relax. Repeat 12 times and do two or three sets.

SUN BANISHES BEDROOM BLUES
Sunshine not only puts you in a good mood, it also improves your love-life. In a study conducted at Manchester University 16 per cent of the respondents said their sex drive improved when it was sunny.

Book reviews and wins

DON’TS FOR HUSBANDS and DON’TS FOR WIVES by Blanche Ebbutt (R55 each Jonathan Ball)
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Jane Vorster

Marriage can be a minefield but these humorous his-and-hers volumes aim to foster understanding between the sexes. They were originally published in 1913 as a marriage guide for dummies and some entries will have you in stitches. This little gem for wives: “Don’t forget to feed the brute well. Much depends on the state of his digestion.” And for him: “Don’t drop cigarette ash on the drawing room carpet or sharpen pencils all over the house as you walk about.”

But generally Blanche’s advice is spot-on. For example: “Don’t say ‘I told you so’ to your husband, however much you are tempted to. It does no good and he will be grateful to you for not saying it.” And for husbands: “Don’t forget to be your wife’s best friend as well as her husband. True friendship in marriage does away with lots of trouble.” Wise words.

WIN!
We’re giving away 10 sets of Don’ts for Husbands and Don’ts for Wives. SMS HUSBANDS & WIVES followed by your name, surname and postal address to 34923 before 5 pm on 25 December. Each SMS costs R2.

THE BROKEN WINDOW by Jeffrey Deaver (R209,95 Hodder & Stoughton)
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Natalie Cavernelis

Jeffrey Deaver’s new thriller is a scary read, not because of the body count or gore but because he shows how easily identity theft occurs.

Quadriplegic forensic expert Lincoln Rhyme has to help his estranged cousin, Arthur, who has been jailed for murder. The evidence against him is overwhelming. Turns out Lincoln is up against a psychotic mastermind who finds his victims by researching them, even going through their garbage for information. Before he kills them he uses the same technique to pick a fall guy for the murder and plants evidence. The investigation leads to a company that mines data on consumers and sells it on.

This novel is an invaluable reminder to shred those statements and bills before tossing them in the trash. The story is fast-paced and compelling and fans of this series will appreciate the details on Lincoln’s younger years.

You know you’re addicted to coffee when . . .

*You can grind coffee beans in your mouth.

*You watch DVDs in fast forward.

*The only time you stand still is during an earthquake.

*You can type 60 words a minute - with your feet.

*You don’t sweat, you percolate.

*Instant coffee takes too long.

*You help your dog chase its tail.

From YOU’s Chuckles page.

Recipe: Mexican omelette

Perfect holiday food - whether you’re camping or feeding hungry hordes at home.

MEXICAN OMELETTE
Be warned: once you’ve made this dish you’d better be prepared to make it many more times.

INGREDIENTS: 2 onions, sliced; 10 ml finely chopped garlic; 10 ml chopped chillies; olive oil; 1 packet (250 g) bacon, chopped; 2 cans (410 g each) tomato and onion mix; 6 eggs; 250 ml grated Cheddar cheese; salt and pepper; fresh or dried parsley.

METHOD: Fry the onions, garlic and chillies in olive oil on a griddle plate or in a large cast-iron pan or shallow skottel braai until soft. Add the bacon and fry until done. Remove from the pan and set aside. Spoon the tomato and onion mix into the pan, make six hollows in the mixture and break an egg into each hollow. Scatter the onion mixture and cheese on top. Season to taste with salt and pepper and garnish with parsley. Cover and cook for about 10 minutes. Serve with toast.

*The recipe is courtesy of popular adventure series Voetspore which has returned to the small screen. This time the intrepid explorers set off for Gabon, the equatorial jewel of Africa. Johan Badenhorst and his team not only know how to negotiate muddy roads, spring tides and searing heat but are great cooks. Don’t miss the rest of their recipes in YOU this week (4 Dec issue).

Baby steps to lose baby weight

If you’re trying to get rid of post-baby weight try these fun exercises that will help you bond with your baby too.

- Lie on the floor and put your baby on your stomach. This helps you focus on your core muscles - clench and hold them for a count of five and repeat as many times as you can. You can also do tummy crunches with your legs bent and baby resting against your thighs.

- Tone your legs and arms with this bit of weightlifting - squat to pick up baby, stand up, then put the baby down again. Make sure you squat correctly by bending your knees and keeping your back straight - don’t bend at the waist.

SLEEP AWAY HEART RISK
If you get only a few hours of sleep a night be warned - less than seven and a half hours’ a night can raise your risk of stroke and heart attack by a third, says a new study in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Too little sleep has also been linked to a greater likelihood of obesity and diabetes.

INTIMACY LOWERS STRESS
Couples who hug, kiss and cuddle every day have fewer stress hormones. US researchers found intimacy helped especially couples with stressful jobs - physical affection acted as a buffer against work stress. Intimacy works its magic by boosting your mood. Researchers say couples shouldn’t force intimacy but rather find activities that create positive feelings for both partners.

Movie: Mrs Ratcliffe’s Revolution

Black comedy. With Catherine Tate, Iain Glenn and Jessica Barden. Director: Bille Eltringham. PG. Opens 12 December.
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Leon van Nierop

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
In the ’80s a British family disillusioned with their consumer-friendly, capitalism-obsessed country decide to seek refuge in communism and emigrate to East Germany. But is the communist ideal really that romantic?

WHO WILL ENJOY IT?
Are your nerves stretched to breaking point after a wild, tough year? Is your soul crying out for funny yet stimulating relief from all the stress? Then this hilarious send-up of communism and East Germany is just the thing. It shows East Germany as a worse case than present-day South Africa of misplaced political ideologies that work better on paper than in practice.

It’s especially when it addresses confused political thinking and a twisted admiration for communism on its last legs that this tongue-in-cheek spoof hits the spot. But it’s also about a woman who sees her family drifting apart and tries to keep them together with hidden admiration and stubborn faith in capitalism.

WAIT FOR DVD?
No. In the coming weeks so many box-office hits are being released on DVD this one may be forgotten. Besides you’ll probably be spending a lot of time in the mall so give your feet a break and have a giggle with a woman who tackles communism head-on while she and her family try to stay out of jail. You’d never believe the fall of the Berlin Wall could be so funny.

SIMILAR FILMS
Goodbye Lenin; Mrs Henderson Presents.

Book reviews: Have you seen . . .?

HAVE YOU SEEN . . . ? by David Thomson (R454 Penguin)
Rating: 5/5
Reviewer: Elmari Rautenbach

There are people who can think of nothing better than to curl up with a good book at the end of the day. Then there are the movie nuts. This book is for both. The subtitle says it all: A Personal Introduction to 1 000 Films Including Masterpieces, Oddities and Guilty Pleasures (with Just a Few Disasters).

Veteran British film writer David Thomson has produced a doorstopper of very personal opinions, tirades and praise singing. There’s a page on each of the 1 000 films Thomson has loved, regarded as particularly interesting or hated with a vengeance. The entries are arranged alphabetically which makes for interesting reading - films from the early 1900s back-to-back with blockbusters such as Titanic.

Illustrated and informative, this collectors’ item could be a great Christmas present for film fans.

THE FINAL DAYS by Alex Chance (R186 Random House)
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Pieter Vermaak

Psychologist Karen Wiley receives a disturbing letter from a child - a cry for help - but she has no idea how to find the person who sent it. She starts receiving letters from Jon Peterson, a man with plenty of inner demons who has murder on his mind. Karen turns to detective Egan Blake for help.

While all this is happening a girl is abducted from a trailer in Utah and Egan believes the incidents are all connected.

He and Karen travel to Utah to search for the missing pieces of the puzzle. There they discover that to solve the mystery they have to dig deep into the past and find out more about a local legend - the Cult of the Final Days - that’s still haunting the town.

This suspenseful debut novel is truly chilling at times and is a real page-turner.

Test bloopers

Blunders made by clueless but inventive students in test papers. Find more funnies on YOU’s Chuckles page.

CLASSICAL STUDIES
Q: Name one of the Romans’ greatest achievements.
A: Learning to speak Latin.

Q: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
A: Suspicious.

BIOLOGY
Q: What is a fibula?
A: A little lie.

Q: Give an example of a smoking-related disease.
A: Early death.

Q: What is a plasmid?
A: A high-definition TV.

RELIGIOUS STUDIES
Q: Christians have only one spouse - what is this called?
A: Monotony.

PHYSICS
Q: Name an environmental side-effect of burning fossil fuels.
A: Fire.

GEOGRAPHY
Q: What does the term “lava” mean?
A: A pre-pubescent caterpillar.

Q: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
A: Malaria.

Recipe: filled pittas and yoghurt dressing

Pittas are a great alternative to sandwiches. They lend themselves to all kinds of tasty fillings and are easy to eat by hand, making them perfect as padkos or for light meals.

INGREDIENTS: 800 g leg of mutton, deboned and butterflied; 50 ml olive oil; 10 ml Worcester sauce; freshly ground black pepper; 30 ml lemon juice; 10 ml grated lemon rind; 2 cloves garlic, crushed; 30 ml fresh rosemary; salt; 2 large tomatoes, sliced; 30 g lettuce leaves (optional); 6 pittas.

METHOD: Trim the leg of mutton of excess fat. Mix the olive oil, Worcester sauce, pepper, lemon juice, rind, garlic and rosemary. Marinate the butterflied leg in the mixture for at least 2 hours. Braai the leg over medium-hot coals until medium done (or to your taste), basting it frequently with the marinade and salt. Alternatively grill the meat in a heated pan. Leave the meat to rest for about 10 minutes before carving into thin slices. Fill the pittas with the meat, tomato slices and lettuce (if using) and serve with yoghurt dressing (see recipe).
Serves 4-6

YOGHURT DRESSING
Make enough to use several times. The dressing keeps well in the fridge and can be served with salad, braaied meat or a cheese platter.

INGREDIENTS: 1 large cucumber, grated; 5 ml salt; 500 ml Bulgarian yoghurt; 2 cloves garlic, crushed; 15 ml finely chopped fresh parsley; 10 ml finely chopped fresh mint; freshly ground black pepper.

METHOD: Put the grated cucumber in a sieve or colander and sprinkle it with the salt. Leave for about 20 minutes then squeeze out the excess liquid using a large spoon or your hands. Mix the cucumber with the remaining ingredients. Season with more salt if necessary.

Rethink gift giving

YOU columnist Dr Louise has this advice on adopting a new approach to presents.

SET LIMITS
Don’t spend more than a specific, small amount on every gift. Even R10 buys a gorgeous soap or fragrant incense.

FOCUS ON THE RECIPIENT
People value a gift bought with them in mind, no matter how small.

BE SYMBOLIC
Fill a shoebox with meaningful gifts and a letter explaining the symbolism. For example dried peaches could symbolise the sweetness a friend shows you and how much you appreciate it.

FUN IS FUN!
Adults are kids at heart and will love fun gifts such as a stocking stuffed with sweets we used to eat as kids or a lucky packet with a made-up rhyme appropriate to that person.

GIVE A MENTAL HEALTH PRESENT
Promise friends a massage or a stress-busting outing at a date of their choice when they need it most in the new year.

GIVE A LITTLE FREEDOM
Give a card promising you’ll babysit for three nights in the following year, for example.

CHRISTMAS GIFTS TO GIVE YOURSELF
- Don’t just promise yourself quality time; make it part of a new routine, even if it’s just claiming some peace and quiet.

- Allow yourself to enjoy a break without feeling guilty about what you’re not doing. Let work and other woes wait until next year.

- Rather draw up a healthy eating programme that lets you cheat sometimes (a dietician or biokineticist can help with this).

- The gifts you give yourself are among the most important presents you will give.

Wise festive spending

People are traditionally generous during the festive season but Christmas shopping can be expensive, especially when your gift list grows in inverse proportion to your available spending money.

How do you survive the cost of Christmas? The first step is to take control and plan properly. Draw up a list of names and a budget: write down what you can afford and all the people you have to buy presents for. This will give you a good idea of how much you can spend on each person.

If there’s someone special you want to spoil you don’t necessarily have to do it by spending a fortune. People are far more inclined to appreciate a thoughtful present that fits in with their personality or pastimes than something expensive but basically useless.

Stick to your budget. When you’ve used up your money, stop buying. Don’t, whatever you do, be tempted to start using your credit cards.

Restrict festivities to your home if you can. It’s certainly a lot cheaper than everyone going out to eat at an expensive restaurant

It’s worth considering internet shopping. It saves a lot of driving around and you can see exactly which items, such as books, are in stock and how much they’ll cost including postage. But make sure you use a recognised website and that your personal details are secure. Tips for safe online shopping include:

- Use a computer with updated security software.

- Never react to e-mails asking you to confirm a transaction after you’ve made it. Websites with good security will never ask you by e-mail to confirm a transaction. If you get an e-mail asking you for something ignore it.

- Secure websites have thawte security and the logo is usually clearly visible.

- When you supply payment information make sure a little yellow lock appears at the bottom right of the page.

- Log off when you’ve finished shopping to prevent someone with access to your computer going onto the same website and using your buyer’s profile to shop on your account. Be especially careful at internet cafés and don’t leave your computer at work logged on.

Win a PD James book

THE PRIVATE PATIENT by PD James (Faber R224,95)
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Sandy Cook

Commander Adam Dalgliesh is back and PD James fans won’t be disappointed. This time the poet detective is called in to investigate the murder of a notorious journalist at a private clinic in the Dorset countryside.

Rhoda Gradwyn is found strangled in her bed the morning after an operation to remove a prominent facial scar. Dalgliesh and team arrive to question the residents and staff of the stately manor house and uncover various motives for murder: a disputed will, a heinous child murder and emotional fall-out from Gradwyn’s pitiless journalism.

Throw into the mix haunted stones and a 17th-century witch and you have yet another irresistible offering by the queen of crime. PD James’ writing is as elegant as ever and her characterisation incisive and subtle. A thinking person’s whodunnit.

WIN!
We have five copies of PD James’ The Private Patient to give away. To be in line to win SMS the words PD JAMES followed by your name, surname and postal address to 34923 before 5 pm on 11 December. Each SMS costs R2.

IN BUSHVELD AND DESERT: A GAME RANGER’S LIFE by Christiaan Bakkes (Human & Rousseau R175)
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Claire Reddie

The author was a reckless youngster and his adventurous spirit led to tragedy. He made headlines when as a ranger in Kruger National Park he lost his arm in a crocodile attack. Christiaan overcame this loss and his determination and passion are evident in this collection of anecdotes of his encounters with the African bush and its inhabitants.

The short stories, translated from Afrikaans, are told with such simplicity and deep understanding of wildlife you can’t help but be transported into the inhospitable areas of SA and Namibia he called home.

It takes a while to get used to the style of storytelling, which reminds one of conversations around a dying campfire, but by the end you’re hooked. Some tales make you cry while others leave you in fits of laughter but all leave a lasting impression.

It’s your call

Plus more from YOU’s Chuckles page:

Through the pitch-black night a ship’s captain sees a light dead ahead and on a collision course with his vessel.

He sends a signal, “Change your course 10 degrees east.”

A light signals back, “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”

Angry, the captain sends another signal, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”

“I’m a seaman, second-class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”

Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”

There’s one last reply, “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

BAPTISM
After a rainstorm has filled the potholes in the street a young mother watches her two little boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, who’s five, grabs his sibling by the back of his head and shoves his face into the water.

As the boy stands laughing and dripping the mother runs outside in a panic.

“Why on Earth did you do that to your little brother?” she demands, shaking the older boy angrily.

“We were playing ‘church’, mommy,” he says. “I was just baptising him - in the name of the Father, the Son and in-the-hole-he-goes.”

Recipe: festive cake

Baking whizz Serita Landman shares her recipes for fabulous festive season bakes - including this yummy twist on a traditional Christmas cake.

CHOCOLATE, DATE AND NUT CHRISTMAS CAKE
This deliciously moist Christmas cake is a combination of a decadent chocolate cake and a hearty fruitcake. It’s quick to mix and uses whisky instead of brandy.

CAKE INGREDIENTS: 250 g dates, finely chopped; 5 ml bicarbonate of soda; 300 ml boiling water; 250 ml butter; 250 ml sugar; 2 eggs; 5 ml vanilla essence; 500 ml cake flour; 15 ml cocoa powder; 1 ml salt; 200 g dark chocolate, finely chopped; 120 ml glacé cherries; 80 ml finely chopped mixed nuts.

SYRUP INGREDIENTS: 350 ml sugar; 250 ml water; 15 ml butter; 2 ml ground cinnamon; 60 ml whisky.

METHOD: Preheat the oven to 180 °C. Grease a 20 cm square cake tin. Mix the dates, bicarbonate of soda and boiling water in a mixing bowl and leave to cool until lukewarm. Using an electric beater cream together the butter and sugar until smooth and creamy. Add the eggs one at a time and beat well. Add the date mixture and vanilla essence.

Sift together the cake flour, cocoa powder and salt. Add the date mixture to the dry ingredients and beat well. Mix half the chocolate into the flour mixture. Turn the batter into the prepared cake tin and evenly sprinkle the remaining chocolate and the glacé cherries and nuts on top. Bake for 40 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Meanwhile bring all the syrup ingredients except the whisky to the boil in a small saucepan and boil fast for 5 minutes. Add the whisky and pour the hot syrup over the cake as soon as it comes out of the oven.

Leave the cake to cool. Store in an airtight container. The cake will keep well in the container for 6 weeks. It’s very moist; for a less moist version make only half the syrup.

Kids and exam results: coping with disappointment

It’s that time of year when stress levels among youngsters and their parents skyrocket in anticipation of exam results. YOU trauma columnist Debbi Rozowsky has these tips for coping if the news is bad.

STAY POSITIVE
Celebrate your child, not the exam results. We should never shame our kids because they internalise it and become self-destructive.

OPEN DOORS
Poor results don’t spell future failure. Tell your kids about the opportunities ahead of them rather than those they might have lost.

DON’T JUDGE
Don’t compare your children with one another. They have individual strengths and aptitudes.

DON’T BLAME
What’s done is done. Look to the future and encourage.

- This week YOU (27 Nov issue) also features an extract from Izabella Little’s book Life Talk for Parents, sharing tips for dealing with practical problems today’s adolescents and parents have to face.

Older women can be strong

Plus more news from YOU’s health page

Older women can increase their muscle strength with exercise just as much as young women can, a UK study has found. Researchers found declining muscle function with age is due to women exercising less and not just the ageing process.

Over a two-month period researchers found a group of older women increased strength by the same percentage as a younger group. They suggest older women work out with light weights on a weekly basis to keep up their strength.

OVARY TRANSPLANT
A British woman aged 38 will soon give birth to the world’s first baby conceived after a full ovary transplant. Her ovaries failed at 15, causing early menopause. After receiving an ovary transplant from her twin sister early in 2007 she started menstruating again and fell pregnant earlier this year. A transplant allows a woman to conceive naturally and restores hormone levels. Transplants of strips of ovarian tissue last for only about three years whereas a transplanted ovary is expected to last for up to a decade.

LOSE THE CONTACTS
It’s the season for frolicking in the pool but be warned - if you wear contact lenses take them out before jumping in. Contact lenses are very absorbent so any chemicals in the water infiltrate the lens then sit on your eyeball. If you’d prefer to keep them in wear swimming goggles.

Book review: A Fraction of the Whole

A FRACTION OF THE WHOLE by Steve Toltz (R180, Hamish Hamilton)
Rating: 5/5
Reviewer: Jane Vorster

Martin Dean is a walking contradiction. He’s a bitter cynic who is so antisocial he builds a labyrinth around his home to make it impossible for anyone to visit him. Yet he craves approval and dreams of doing something great that will make Australia love him. Sadly, although Martin has a brilliant mind everything he does backfires and causes widespread misery so everyone ends up hating him. But he refuses to give up his quest for greatness.

Dragged along for the ride is young son Jasper who ends up in jail as a result of his father’s final lunatic scheme. It’s from behind bars that Jasper narrates this novel, piecing together the bizarre events that landed him there as he tries to understand the enigmatic man who raised him. An epic tale about unfulfilled ambition that will delight you with its quirkiness yet challenges with difficult questions. Brilliant.

GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS 2009 (R250)
Rating: 5/5
Reviewer: Elmari Rautenbach

It’s not a pretty book by any means. It’s gaudy green and shiny and screams its title in big black letters. But paging through it you’ll be captivated. On the first page you learn the 3-D effect on the cover was created with a special engraving process, a first - yes! - for a book. You also discover the photographs you thought were badly printed are special 3-D pictures you can see in all their glory with the 3-D glasses tucked in between the pages.

You’re told that for every tree felled to print the much-loved annual another is planted and it’s the only book in the world that’s a top brand. And you get all this before you even start reading about the world’s largest spider - a Goliath bird-eater from Austria that weighs 175 g! The book will keep you and your family entertained for hours. It’s also the perfect choice if you’re looking for a Christmas gift.

Office laughs

From YOU’s Chuckles page

- Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks and promotions.

- In order to get a promotion you don’t need to know your job; you need only pretend to know your job.

- The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

- PhD stands for ‘‘pull him down’’. The more intelligent, hardworking and committed you are the more people are engaged in pulling you down.

- If you’re good you’ll get all the work. If you’re really good you’ll get out of it.

- When the bosses talk about improving productivity they don’t include themselves.

- It doesn’t matter what you do; it only matters what you say you’ve done and are going to do.

- A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

- Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced you can’t be promoted.

- Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous”.

- If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit - it’s no use being a fool about it.

- When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

- No matter how much you do you never do enough.

- If it weren’t for the last minute nothing would get done.

Recipe: Thai mealie fritters

Boutique winemaker Karin de Villiers of Durbanville treats us to an elegant, light summer feast this week (YOU, 20 Nov) and her menu includes this spicy twist on a classic mealie fritter.

MEALIE FRITTERS
INGREDIENTS: 1 can (340 g) whole-kernel sweetcorn; 1 red pepper, seeded and finely chopped; 30 ml finely chopped fresh coriander; 5 ml finely chopped chillies; 10 ml ground coriander; 5 ml cayenne pepper; salt and pepper; 250 ml cake flour; 10 ml baking powder; 100 ml water; 2 extra-large eggs; oil for shallow-frying.

METHOD: Mix all the ingredients except the oil to make a stiff batter. Heat oil in a pan and fry spoonfuls of the batter until the fritters are brown all over and cooked inside. Serve with avocado salsa (below) and sweet chilli sauce. Serves 4-6.

AVOCADO SALSA: Dice 1 avocado and add 5 ml chopped fresh coriander, 1 finely chopped onion and 10 ml lemon juice. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Survive the office party

YOU advice columnist Dr Louise offers these tips to make the office year-end function an enjoyable affair (20 Nov issue).

DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH
Alcohol makes you more impulsive and things you do on the spur of the moment could later be embarrassing and painful.

DON’T GET TOO FAMILIAR
It may seem informal but remember you have to work with - or discipline or take orders from - the same people tomorrow.

KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
Parties make staffers feel like a unit. Don’t let that lull you into dumping your emotional baggage on a colleague.

DON’T BETRAY CONFIDENCES
Informal chat often runs to who likes whom and who doesn’t. Trust lost isn’t easily regained.

MANAGE YOUR TIME
If you leave too early you send the message your colleagues aren’t important. If you stay too late you run the risk of doing or saying something you might regret.

EAT BEFORE YOU GO
Speeches mean you’ll eat late so have a snack first to avoid dizziness or nausea caused by low blood sugar - and you might not get quite so tipsy.

GREAT GIFTS FOR COLLEAGUES
Being at work means spending your time in an unchanging physical environment. Give a colleague a gift that offers a way out - and a means of avoiding burn-out.

Encourage a daydream: How about a subscription to a travel magazine? Just reading and dreaming about romantic destinations brings relaxation and enjoyment.

Generate excitement: A voucher for a fun outing offers a chance to experience something new and to develop that experience into new interests and hobbies.

Sunny side up: Giving outdoor equipment as gifts will get people out into the sun - and sunlight increases levels of serotonin, the body’s natural upper.

A ball for your back

Plus more good news from YOU’s health page (20 November)

Eight hours a day at a desk can hurt your back. Make sure you sit with your spine against the back of your chair and both feet flat on the floor. You could also use a stabilising ball as a chair - if your boss will let you. It requires excellent posture to stay seated on it. Try it for 20 minutes and if it feels good exchange your chair for one.

READ YOURSELF SLIM
Reading doesn’t just extend your vocabulary; it can also help you lose weight - if you read the right book. In an American study on 45 obese girls aged nine to 13 the benefits of reading about a positive role model were clear. The girls were given a novel about an overweight teenager who learns the importance of exercise and a healthy lifestyle. After six months the body mass index of the girls who read the book, entitled Lake Rescue, had dropped by almost one per cent.

POPCORN PERFECT
Good news for popcorn fans: those who eat some every day get 250 per cent more wholegrain and 22 per cent more fibre than those who don’t, Nebraska researchers say. It’s also a healthy kind of wholegrain, linked to a lower incidence of diabetes and heart disease.

But that doesn’t mean you can eat as much as you like. Just one teaspoon of butter in your popcorn means half a kilojoule and eight grams of artery-blocking fat. A little oil is better but popcorn is healthier with neither - and go easy on the salt.

Win a copy of Easy Walks in the Cape Peninsula

EASY WALKS IN THE CAPE PENINSULA by Mike Lundy (R110, Human & Rousseau)
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Pieter van Zyl

Even if you’re a committed couch potato you should find something to inspire you in this book by hiking guru Mike Lundy.

There’s no excuse not to put on those old walking shoes because in this handy guide you’ll find a hike in the Peninsula for every weekend of the year. Some routes are only 20 minutes long while others extend over three hours but all are easy enough for novices to do without much huffing and puffing. Experienced walkers looking for more of a challenge can combine routes.

Lundy offers some fascinating anecdotes - such as why the trees near the Alphen Hotel’s Boer and Brit watering hole are painted grey. He also reveals where Cecilia Forest got its name.

Whether you live in the Mother City or visit occasionally this little book with its clear maps belongs in your rucksack.

GIVEAWAY
We have 10 copies of Mike Lundy’s book Easy Walks in the Cape Peninsula to give away. SMS CAPE WALKS followed by your name, surname and postal address to 34923 before 5 pm on 27 November. Each SMS costs R2.

ANGELS IN MY HAIR by Lorna Byrne (R180, Century)
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Lindy-Joy Dennis

Lorna Byrne doesn’t see the world as everybody else does. She has a special talent that allows her to communicate with angels and other spirit beings. But this ability makes life difficult for her while growing up in a poor Irish family. Her parents don’t understand why she spends so much time staring into space and treat her as if she’s mentally retarded.

Later on the angels do more than appear to her - they talk to her, mostly about the spirit world and things that will affect her life and the world around her. They also show her visions of future events and how she can help others. This leads to her reluctantly becoming a spiritual healer.

Even if you don’t believe in angels Lorna’s life story is enchanting and absorbing. If you can silence your internal sceptic you’ll find the idea of being loved and helped by invisible beings immensely comforting.

Party poopers

If you’re bored at a party try these ways of entertaining yourself and annoying others:

- Speak in a strange foreign accent. When someone asks where you’re from name a country only you can pronounce.

- Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.

- When getting food pile huge servings of everything onto your plate. Make sure you use your hands.

- Ask the host, “Who threw this cheesy party anyway?”

- Cartwheel across the floor. If you can do a back flip, all the better!

- Bring a book and curl up in a corner with it.

- Cough all over guests, then exclaim, “Doctor says a few more years and I’ll be cured.”

- Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.

- If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else burst into tears, wailing “I thought you loved me!” and run from the room.

- Pick out the oldest woman at the party, run up to her and exclaim, “Grandmother! It’s me, Anastasia!”

Going to market - plus summer salad recipe

Food markets offer an array of fresh produce and delectable goodies that make food shopping a delicious adventure. If you’re looking for free-range eggs, freshly baked bread or organic veggies you’re bound to find them and much more at one of the exciting food markets that have sprung up around SA in recent years. Try these, then scroll down for our delicious summer salad.

MARKETS
Gauteng
- Bryanston organic market, Cullross Road, Bryanston, 011-706-3671

- Pretoria farmers’ market, Pioneer Open-air Museum, Pretoria Road, Silverton, www.agrisa.co.za

- Irene arts and crafts market, Jan Smuts Avenue, Irene, www.irenemarket.co.za

Mpumalanga
- Casterbridge market on the R40 just outside White River, 013-751-1540, www.casterbridge.co.za

KwaZulu-Natal
- Shongweni farmers’ market, c/o Alverston and Kassia roads, Assagay, 083-777-1674, hazyview@netactive.co.za

- Pietermaritzburg farmers’ market, Alexander Park, Pietermaritzburg, 033-345-4656

Eastern Cape
- Lavender Blue farmers’ market, Old Transkei Road, Beacon Bay, moerdyk@telkomsa.net.

Cape Town and winelands
- Neighbourgoods market, Old Biscuit Mill, Cape Town, www.neighbourgoodsmarket.co.za

- Nitida market, Nitida wine estate, Durbanville, 021-976-1467

- Rondebosch town market, St Andrew’s Road, Rondebosch, 021-696-5749

- Stellenbosch fresh goods market, Dorp Street Square, Distillery Road, Bosman’s Crossing, Stellenbosch, www.slowmarket.co.za

- Oude Libertas farmers’ market, Oude Libertas Amphitheatre, Adam Tas Road, Stellenbosch, 021-809-7454

- Organic farmers’ market, Waldorf School Technopark, R44 Stellenbosch, 021-880-1039

Overberg
- Fernkloof farmers’ market, Fernkloof Nature Reserve, Hermanus, 072-883-3894

- Hermanuspietersfontein farmers’ market, Hemel-en-Aarde, Hermanus, 083-388-8239

Garden Route
- Harvest-time Saturday market, N2 Harkerville, between Knysna and Plettenberg Bay, 084-510-9939

SUMMER SALAD
Use whatever is in season to rustle up this salad.

DRESSING
INGREDIENTS: 30 ml olive oil; 45 ml red wine vinegar or balsamic vinegar; juice and rind of 1 lemon; 60 ml chopped fresh herbs such as mint, coriander and parsley; pinch of salt and pepper; 5 ml chilli sherry; 5 ml sugar to taste.
METHOD: Blend all the dressing ingredients and set aside.

SALAD
INGREDIENTS: day-old ciabatta bread, broken into pieces; cherry tomatoes; roasted black and green olives; 1 red onion, sliced into rings; 1 cucumber, sliced; labneh, bocconcini or feta cheese; fresh basil to garnish.

METHOD: Arrange a layer of the bread in a roasting tin and toast at 200 C until golden brown. Mix the bread with the remaining salad ingredients. Moisten with the dressing just before serving.

Turn down the volume

Up to 10 per cent of iPod and MP3 users will permanently damage their hearing in five years because they play them too loudly, according to a new European Union report. The personal music devices can reach up to 100 decibels but the sound that hits the eardrums when you insert earphones can reach 120 decibels. And if you listen to music that’s too loud for more than an hour a day for five years you can go deaf, researchers warn. A survey by the Royal National Institute for Deaf People in Britain shows 58 per cent of people between 16 and 30 are unaware of the dangers MP3 players pose to their hearing.

THRILLERS BAD FOR YOUR BOD
Horror movies and crime programmes can cause you to put on weight, according to a survey conducted at Erasmus University in Rotterdam. Viewers confronted by images of dying people are more inclined to overeat. Researchers ascribe this to the fact the images make people more aware of their mortality. In an attempt to banish these uncomfortable thoughts they’re more likely to overeat or overspend.

KNEES NEED PAWPAW
If you want to ensure your knees remain healthy you should eat more pawpaw, Australian researchers say. They examined 300 adults over a 10-year period and found those who ate the most fruit rich in vitamin C such as pawpaws and oranges had fewer knee problems. They were also less prone to developing osteoarthritis.

The Greatness Guide Book 2

THE GREATNESS GUIDE BOOK 2 by Robin Sharma (R214, HarperElement)
Rating: 4/5
Reviewer: Elmari Rautenbach

Following on from his bestselling debut, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, comes this guide which aims to inspire readers to lead happier and more fulfilled lives.

The bald, clean-shaven guru dedicates his book of 101 short stories to the dreamers among us, “those brave souls willing to ignore the chattering voices of their critics in passionate pursuit of their highest ideals”. Those few words contain the first tip on what it means to be great.

The other chapters are made up of short, simple life lessons. Lesson 100 refers to our own Madiba, quoting former US president Bill Clinton on the effect Madiba has on people: “Every time Nelson Mandela walks into a room we all feel a little bigger, we all want to stand up, we all want to cheer, because we’d like to be him on our best day.” Enough said. You’ll find something to inspire you on just about every page of this guide.

GREAT GIVEAWAY
We have 10 copies of Robin Sharma’s The Greatness Guide Book 2 to give away. To stand a chance of winning SMS the word GREATNESS, your name, surname and postal address to 34923 before 5 pm on 17 November. Each SMS costs R2.

SCREAM FOR ME by Karen Rose (R204,95, Headline)
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Kevin Jacobs

Thirteen years ago Alex Fallon’s twin sister was raped and murdered. In the traumatic aftermath her mother appeared to have committed suicide and Alex was taken from her step-family by an aunt. Now Alex returns to her hometown because her stepsister has disappeared, leaving Alex to care for her daughter.

Simultaneously crime investigator Daniel Vartanian returns after having buried his parents, murdered by his evil younger brother whom he now knows to have been the leader of a gang of young rapists. He has seen the vile photographic record his brother kept - and Alex’s sister was one of their victims.

Their overlapping histories merge more fiercely when a copycat killer starts mimicking the murder of Alex’s sister. Old photographs come back to haunt pillars of the community, who’ll do anything to keep them hidden.

In spite of the cheesy B-grade title this is a can’t-put-down thriller.

Wacky world

Talk about dividing your assets! A couple in Cambodia ended their 18-year marriage by sawing their wooden house in half.

Moeun Rim (42) and his wife, Nhanh (35), who live in a village near the country’s capital, Phnom Penh, were the talk of the village when they split their house after going through a rough patch. They had been arguing a lot because Moeun had accused his wife of neglecting him while he was sick.

Helped by relatives, Moeun demolished his side of the house with saws and chisels and took the debris away to his parents’ nearby home where he’s now staying. Nhanh chose to carry on living in the rather precariously perched other half, which she now owns.

“It’s very strange but this is what my husband wanted,” she says. “He said he wanted a divorce and I said, ‘Let’s divorce’.”

They also divided their land into four parts - two for their children and one for each of them. According to local lawyer Prak Phin their divorce isn’t legal as they didn’t go through the courts. “If they have disagreements in the future they won’t have any legal recourse,” he says. Divorce cases in Cambodia can be costly and take a long time to settle.

Local officials and police tried three times to get the bickering couple to make up but Moeun wouldn’t budge - unlike his half of the house.

Because I’m a man . . .

From YOU’s Chuckles page.

- When my car isn’t running well I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up one of us will say, “I used to be able to fix these things but now with all these computers I wouldn’t know where to start.”

- When I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. Women never get as sick as I do so for them this isn’t a problem.

- I can be relied upon to buy basic groceries such as beer, milk or bread. I can’t be expected to find exotic items such as cumin or tofu. For all I know they’re the same thing.

- When one of our appliances stops working I’ll insist on taking it apart despite evidence this will cost me twice as much once the repairman arrives and has to put it back together again.

- I must hold the TV remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced I may miss a whole show looking for it . . . though I once survived by holding a calculator.

- There’s no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always sex, cars, sex or food. If you ask I have to make up something else, so don’t ask.

- I don’t want to visit your mother, or have your mother visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you gave her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother too.

- You don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are if you’re crying when it’s over I didn’t. But if you feel amorous afterwards I’ll at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

- I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without, it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Recipe: high-fibre rusks

Rusks are a satisfying anytime snack and the ideal breakfast for people on the go, so always keep a supply on hand. This week YOU (6 Nov issue) has a super selection of recipes for white and wholewheat rusks including these delicious high-fibre ones.

INGREDIENTS: 1,5 kg self-raising flour; 15 ml baking powder; 10 ml salt; 500 ml bran; 250 ml oats; 375 ml dried cranberries or seedless raisins; 80 ml poppy seeds; 80 ml sesame seeds; 275 ml sunflower seeds; 80 ml linseed; 80 ml pine nuts (optional); 400 g butter or margarine; 3 extra-large eggs; 500 ml sugar; 750 ml buttermilk; 150 ml oil.

METHOD: Preheat the oven to 180 C. Grease 2 large (32 x 23 cm) roasting tins. Put the flour, baking powder, salt, bran, oats, cranberries or raisins and all the seeds in a large mixing bowl and stir until mixed. Add the pine nuts if using. Rub in the butter or margarine until well blended. Whisk together the eggs and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the buttermilk and oil to the egg mixture and mix well. Add the buttermilk mixture to the dry ingredients and mix with a wooden spoon to form a soft dough.

Turn the dough into the prepared tins and mark the rusks. Bake for about 50 minutes until brown and done (a skewer inserted in the middle should come out clean). Cool slightly and break or cut into rusks.

DRYING RUSKS: Preheat the oven to 90 C. Arrange the rusks on large baking sheets and dry for 3-4 hours.

Makes about 64.

Protect your eyes

AND MORE HEALTH TIPS

Summer is here and you can’t wait to hit the beach, armed with loads of sunscreen. But what about protection for your eyes? A survey by Transitions Optical shows 85 per cent of South Africans are unaware of the damage long hours of sun exposure can cause to their eyes. You run the risk of developing cataracts and even cancer of the eyelids if you don’t protect your eyes. A good pair of sunglasses will screen your eyes against dangerous ultraviolet rays. Ensure you invest in sunglasses that block between 99 and 100 per cent of the sun’s UVA and UVB rays and wear a hat or cap for extra protection.

RED WINE GOOD FOR YOUR LUNGS
We all know red wine in moderation can be beneficial to your heart. Now a new study shows it also protects your lungs. According to a US study smokers who drank only one or two glasses of red wine daily reduced their chances of developing lung cancer by 60 per cent. Red wine contains the antioxidant resveratrol which is good for both your heart and prevention of lung cancer.

LAID-BACK LAVENDER
Looking for an affordable tranquilliser? Put a few drops of lavender oil on a handkerchief and sniff it for five minutes when you feel anxious or tense. A Japanese study shows inhaling the vapours reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Holiday do’s and don’ts

Make your holiday a true break with these tips from YOU’s advice columnist Dr Louise.

DON’T ABANDON YOUR PETS
Most rest stops now provide places for pets to stretch their legs and do their business. Take them along if you can - they love holidays just as much as you do.

DON’T RUSH TO YOUR DESTINATION
Take it slow and stop at interesting places along the way. This will ensure you arrive at your destination rested and already in a holiday mood.

DON’T IGNORE YOUR BODY CLOCK
If you’re travelling between Gauteng and the Cape your body will need time to adapt to altitude changes. Listen to it: if you feel sleepy let yourself snooze more for the first few days.

DON’T RUSH AROUND
Don’t crowd your time off with too much socialising, partying and shopping.

BE WARY OF HOLIDAY ROMANCES
People on holiday are relaxed and happy and therefore present themselves differently to the way they usually do - so don’t expect that romantic, wonderful fling to be the real thing.

GO SOMEWHERE TRANQUIL
End-of-year breaks are for rest, me-time and spending time with family. This is possible only at a holiday destination that affords these opportunities.

LEARN TO HOLIDAY AT HOME
If you’re staying home don’t do renovations or chores - they will just leave you feeling tired. Do things that feed your soul. Spoil yourself and your family.

AVOID DEMANDING FRIENDS AND RELATIVES
Don’t waste your downtime with people who cause turmoil, trauma and hurt. Rather spend time with people who make you happy.

Movie review: Stop-Loss

War drama. With Ryan Phillippe, Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Channing Tatum. Director: Kimberly Peirce. 16LV. Opens 7 November.
Rating: 3/5
Reviewer: Leon van Nierop

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
An American soldier who has just completed his tour of duty in Iraq is unexpectedly called back into action - and when he decides to desert it has dramatic consequences.

WHO WILL ENJOY IT?
If you enjoy combat videogames this is not your kind of movie. Don’t expect a war flick in the vein of Blood Diamond, with macho men taming wild landscapes and eating hand grenades for breakfast. This drama takes a serious look at American soldiers who are fighting and often dying in a country where they don’t belong. It laments the tragedy of troops who’ve survived human slaughter in a desert hell only to be sent back to face the bullets all over again. It says their country is using them as cannon fodder. War junkies may enjoy the action but with Hollywood’s top hunks providing eye candy it’s also aimed at women.

WAIT FOR DVD?
No. War always looks better on the big screen, even if the bombs going off are of the domestic rather than the battlefield variety. The drama is often intimate and the focus isn’t always on the thunderously violent scenes but rather on issues such as conscience, disillusionment, misplaced patriotism and inner conflict. The film works as a human drama filled with emotional turmoil - but it’s not for action junkies.

SIMILAR FILMS
Jarhead; Jacob’s Ladder.

Laugh a little: The Doggy Dictionary

LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your human where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface - such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: What you do when your humans have food and you don’t. To do this properly you must sit as close to them as possible and look sad as you let the drool fall to the floor or, better still, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog’s rear end and inhale deeply. Repeat several times or until your human makes you stop.

THUNDER: This is a signal the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms so it’s necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.

BATH: This is a process in which humans drench the floor, walls and themselves with water. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BUMP: The best way to get humans’ attention while they’re drinking a hot cup of coffee or tea.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way to show love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky a human will love you in return.