THE MONEY OR THE SNIP
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic bin bags behind her. One of the bags has a hole in it and R20 notes are falling out.
Noticing this a policeman stops her and says, “Ma’am, there are R20 notes falling out of your bag.”
“Oh, really? Darn!” the little old lady says. “I’d better go back and pick them up. Thanks for telling me.”
“Well, now, not so fast!” the cop says. “How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no,” the lady says. “You see, my backyard is right next to the rugby stadium parking lot. On game days lots of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Every time a guy does his thing I say, ‘R20 or off it comes’. ”
“Well, that seems only fair,” the cop says. “Okay, good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well, you know,” the little old lady says, “not everyone pays.”
JAILBIRD MAKES A PLAN
An old Italian man who lives alone is about to plant his annual tomato garden but finds it very difficult work as the ground is too hard. His only son, Vincent, used to help him but is now in prison. The old man writes a letter to his son to tell him of his predicament:
“Dear Vincent,
“I’m feeling pretty sad because it looks as if I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m getting too old to be digging in the ground. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you’d be happy to do the digging for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa.”
A few days later he receives a letter from his son:
“Dear Dad,
“Don’t dig up that garden - that’s where the bodies are buried.
“Love, Vinnie.”
At 4 am the next morning the police arrive and dig up the entire garden but don’t find any bodies. They apologise to the old man and leave.
The next day the old man receives another letter from his son:
“Dear Dad,
“Go ahead and plant your tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
“Love, Vinnie.”
