BUMPER STICKERS
- So, you’re a feminist . . . isn’t that cute.
- As long as there are exams there will be prayer in schools.
- Make yourself at home - clean my kitchen.
- I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
- Suburbia: where they cut down the trees, then name streets after them.
- Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
CREDIT CRUNCH TIPS
- Don’t waste money on an expensive iPod - simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to switch tracks, think of another song you like and hum that.
- Don’t waste money on a paper shredder to avoid having your identity stolen - just put a few dog poops in the bin bag along with your old bank statements.
- Don’t waste money on expensive personalised car numberplates - rather change your name to match your existing plates. Call yourself Mr KVL741GP.
- Don’t waste money on expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
- Save electricity - turn off all the lights in your house and wear a miner’s helmet.
- The best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is to put one in your shopping trolley and the other in your pocket.
- Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books - simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
- Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The next morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble-full of washing-up liquid and banging your head against the wall.
- Save a fortune on laundry bills - give your dirty shirts to a hospice shop. They’ll wash and iron them and you can buy them back for a rand each.
